We Are Not Alone
by Tango Eight
Summary: Mulder's thoughts while he is abducted.


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: Mulder's thoughts while he is abducted.

**We Are Not Alone**

As soon as my hand went through the space ship's force field I knew I was about to be abducted.

I wanted to pull it back; I'd heard enough alien abduction stories to know that I didn't want to have it happen to me. Well, maybe somewhere deep in my subconscious I did want to experience it for myself.

I'd spent my entire life just hearing about it. Maybe I could have pulled my hand away, went back to Scully and never actually known. But, I don't think that was ever a possibility. I think I needed to know what my sister went through, what Scully did.

My body followed my hand into the unknown. It took a second for my eyes to adjust to an atmosphere I wasn't used to. But then I saw them in that circle of light. I could only stand there. This was my chance to know, for certain, what was hiding in plain sight. That we are not alone in the universe, hell, we're not even alone on this planet. I've come to learn that they have been here for a very long time.

I could hear Skinner calling out to me, trying to figure out where I was. I should have called back, I should have gotten away while I could, but I didn't.

I should have run to that circle of light yelling, 'wait for me!' but all I could see was Scully. I knew what it was like to lose someone in this way. I knew how it could destroy everything that's inside of you. How it can take away everything. How could I do that to Scully, the woman who I love with my entire soul?

No one's coming back this time.

I've been keeping a secret from her. I'm dying, anyway. It hurts, sometimes. The pain starts off like a migraine but it gets so much worse than that. There have been several times during these episodes that I have wanted to end it, but again, the image of Scully would always stop me. I could never stand the thought of never seeing her again. That was my dilemma now. How could I never see Scully again? We've almost lost each other so many times. That pain is so much worse than any other. I once told her that I couldn't do it alone, I didn't want to but more than that, I couldn't. We almost kissed that day but it was never easy for us and it certainly wasn't in that moment, either. We almost lost each other again.

As I stood there, I knew I couldn't leave her like that. I wanted to go to her, tell her I was dying and live out the rest of my days with her. That was probably selfish to want to do that to her but I knew how much I wanted that when she was dying of cancer. I wanted to hold her in her last moments, make her feel safe and comfortable, loved. I wanted her to not be alone. That's what we do for each other. We make it so we are not alone.

It was too late, though. I couldn't move on my own. What I didn't know in that moment is they already had me. I was drawn forward as if led by an invisible presence. As I reached the edge of the light, I hesitated before stepping inside. I was greeted by Billy Miles and Teresa Hosey. It made some kind of sick sense, that I met these people seven years ago, my first case with Scully and now, I was getting abducted with them.

Then I saw him; the alien bounty hunter who had been terrorizing us for years. The look in his eyes made my blood run cold and my heart pound. Something wasn't right. As I stared at him the light surrounding us got so much brighter, so bright I blacked out.

The next time I was aware, I was lying in some kind of liquid. It was cold and thicker than water. Something was down my throat, some kind of slimy tube; much more disgusting than any ventilator I'd ever been on. It jostled as if someone had grabbed onto it and then it started sliding out of my throat. I wanted to vomit as it slid out. Then it was gone and I could only cough and choke, trying to get the mucus-y stuff out of my windpipe so I could breath. I tried to see who was there but the stuff was in my eyes, ears, nose, and mouth – everywhere. It was taking away all of my senses except for one, my sense of touch. I felt a needle pierce the skin and muscle in my arm and then I wasn't aware anymore.

The next time I was aware, I was in some kind of chair and completely dry. I had all of my senses back. I also noticed for the first time that I was naked as the day I was born. A light flashed on behind me. This is it, I thought, this is when the tests I've heard so much about are going to happen. I could hear the sound of metal gears starting. The part of the chair/table that my wrists and ankles were laying on started vibrating and then, I felt metal touch each of those spots. I thought they were going to remain resting against my skin but they didn't. They surged forward, impaling my limbs, holding me in place in a way I had never heard any other alien abductee describe. I couldn't even scream, I felt the blood drain from my face, my heart pound in my chest, my breathing shallow. Blood dripped onto my hands and feet, I felt cold, shock probably. Then six metal hooks started heading for my face. I had no idea what they were for. I was terrified as they reached my cheeks and then broke through until the ends of the hooks were inside my mouth. My vision narrowed in a way that told me I was about to pass out. Thank God! The hooks started pulling my cheeks out; I thought they were going to stretch my face until it split. This was so much worse than anything I'd ever heard, this wasn't just alien experiments; this was alien torture. The hooks did stop but my face was painfully stretched, my eyes watered but I refused to cry. Even if I died by the hands of aliens, I was still going to die with dignity. After a few minutes of agony, I finally passed out.

The next time I was aware, my situation hadn't changed at all. I was still on the chair/table, I was still impaled through the wrists and ankles and my face was still being pulled apart by metal hooks. There was a hissing sound in front of my face; I looked down, over my nose, to see a metal rod with two connected prongs sliding through the air towards me. I didn't know what it was going to do, the last time something came at my face there was nothing but pain that came from it. The little prongs went into my nostrils; I flinched; expecting pain but none came. The prongs pushed my head back a little, holding it in place. Oh shit, I thought, that can't be good. Another, bigger, rod swung towards my face with a drill on the end. Please don't, please don't, I keep thinking as I started at it; my mouth opening involuntarily. I knew what was coming. I'd heard about the drill but no one ever said it did this. It started advancing towards my open mouth and all I could do was stare at it in horror. Scully, save me, please! My brain screamed as a little light clicked on. The drill disappeared; I felt it touch the roof of my mouth. Oh God, Scully, help! It started spinning, slow at first and then faster. Blood slid down my throat. I felt it give a little, plunging deeper into my soft palate; all I could do was scream.

The next time I was aware, I just wanted it to end. I had no idea how long I'd been there. I was in more pain than I could ever remember experiencing. I just wanted Scully. I needed to see her, to hold her, to have her hold me and tell me everything was going to be all right. But it wasn't going to be all right. Nothing was ever going to be all right again. I felt a loss tug at my heart, the loss of my life with Scully. I never thought anything would matter to me again after Samantha disappeared. I thought I was going to spend my life alone cursing the stars for taking everything from me. Then, Scully walked into my office. She was strong and beautiful; I fell in love with her fast, a kind of love that hit me like a ton of bricks. I relished in her company, it never made sense to me why she loved me back but I knew she did. She told me on a very special night not too long ago. That was a night I knew I would never forget, a night I would cherish for the rest of my life, a night I would hold onto until the end.

Lights turned on above me. And then I saw it, a saw, lift over my chest. I didn't want to think anymore, I didn't want to feel this happen. I couldn't even imagine how much this was going to hurt. I figured at least I would probably die during this. I thought of Scully. I closed my eyes as it got to my chest. As soon as it touched it immediately cut into me. I felt my skin split, the blade sinking into my chest, spinning, blood. I screamed; the pain was nothing I could even describe. My body went cold, except for where the blade went in which was in searing, fiery agony. Then the blade started moving down my chest and into my abdomen.

I remembered Scully telling me that when I had the tobacco beetles in my lungs the doctor wanted to crack my chest but she wouldn't let him. I remember being grateful that it never happened because that was probably painful to recover from. If I had known that it was going to happen now, without the use of any anesthesia or pain killers I probably would have asked them to let the beetles kill me. That would have been better than this. I stopped screaming when the blade stopped cutting my chest and abdomen open. I think I went into a trance, some kind of self-induced escape from the excruciating pain. What the hell were they going to do to me now? I just wanted them to let me die, but I knew that wasn't going to happen.

The saw was gone, thankfully, but something else was there now. Inside the cavity something was digging around in there. Alien experiment, I thought, completely numb now and so cold. I could feel my blood dripping down my sides, I was almost glad it was there because it was warm. I knew these weren't normal alien tests. Someone would have talked about this. I guess I'm just special, I thought, lucky me. Whatever was digging around in my insides stopped, something else was holding the giant wound closed, a hot brand burned the skin back together, but I didn't care anymore. All I knew was darkness.

The next time I was aware, I was left alone. No torture, no tests, no new pain. I stared at the ceiling for a long time, wondering where I was. Was I on Earth or in space? I realized I never really thought about where the ship goes when it leaves. Obviously they went into space but where? What planet or did it just float around, waiting to take more of us. I was currently abducted and I realized that I only had more questions. Questions that didn't actually matter to me anymore but they were all I knew before so that is what I went to now. I was glad my sister was dead. At least she got away from this. I knew in my heart that my experience was different than hers; Scully's and pretty much everyone I had ever interviewed. I was grateful for that. I thought I was going to learn what they had gone through, now I realized I was learning how much worse it could have been. That was almost worse to me; it could have been like this for them.

I was still dwelling on that thought when I felt her as if she were standing right next to me. She was there for a while but then the feeling started to fade. I started screaming her name, hoping she could hear me but knowing how impossible that was. I didn't stop calling for her until the pain in my body started coming in brutal waves and I passed out.

They didn't bother me again for a while. Sometimes I could feel them around me, watching me, talking amongst them in some sort of weird telepathic wave that sometimes I could pick up on. I never understood what they were saying and I didn't want to. I just wanted to ignore them; pretend they didn't exist, and pretend I didn't exist. The only thing that existed for me now was that night with Scully.

They left me alone for so long I thought I was going to starve to death, I was so thirsty. Blood loss, shock and a lack of water or food were weakening my body to the point where I couldn't even open my eyes. My heart felt like it was thudding in my chest, barely able to beat, my lungs felt like they would deflate at any second. The end was so close and I totally embraced the fact that soon I would be dead. There were more buzzing sounds around me, needles pierced my skin in several places, something was injected into the sites, it burned and then went cold. My heart slowed, my lungs breathed less and less, my consciousness flickered like a candle before blowing out.

The next time I was aware, I was in a hospital bed. A place I found myself waking up more times than I care to think about. There was something there, though, something that always made the experience so much easier to handle. Scully was sitting by my side, holding my hand and giving me a look that I'd never seen on her before. At first I didn't know if it was a trick or if she was really there, if I was really back.

"Mulder? Hi." She said in a breathy voice, tears falling down her cheeks. I knew this was real, I wasn't dead and I got my wish. I was seeing her again. I didn't feel alone anymore, I felt no pain. I was so giddy at the idea that I couldn't help it; some of my old self came back to me in the form of my old humor. It was obvious she needed to know that I was still there.

"Who are you?" I asked in a whisper. I think I was a little too convincing because her face fell so fast as if I had just crushed her heart and destroyed her world. I needed to let her know I was kidding, how I could never forget her. I smiled at her, the only thing I had enough strength to do.

"Oh my God!" She cried and laughed at the same time, "Don't do that to me."

We stared at each other for a few seconds, not knowing what to do or say. This moment was so surreal. We never thought we would see each other again.

"Do you know?" She asked, "Do you have any idea what you've been through?" I looked at her. I knew what I had been through on the ship but how could she? What happened between being there and being here? What had_ she_ been through?

"Only what I see in your face." I saw so much in her face in that moment. The answer was obviously a lot. What _had_ I been through? She reached up and brushed the hair off my forehead. It was what we did, our most comforting gesture for each other, and finally, I felt like I had a reason to live again. I loved Scully more than anything in the entire world. More than death during the worst kind of tortures, and it was fairly obvious with what I saw in her face that she loved me in the same way. She smiled as tears fell down her cheeks before resting her head on my shoulder. Tears soaked through my hospital gown but I didn't care.

"Anybody miss me?" I asked her, it had the desired effect as she laughed. We stayed like that for a long time. I wanted to stay like that forever. I just couldn't believe it. I was back with her and life was worth living again.

**THE END**

A/N: I only started watching The X-Files a few months ago but I feel in love immediately. This is obviously my first attempt at writing a fan fiction story with these characters so please let me know how I did! Thank you! =D


End file.
